


(un)romantic

by ihaveaducknamedpaul



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Bromance to Romance, Fluff and Humor, Hiroo being dumb and gay, M/M, Nohebi, Sakishima being dumb, its very romantic okay trust me
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-29
Updated: 2020-11-29
Packaged: 2021-03-09 17:47:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,361
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27780244
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ihaveaducknamedpaul/pseuds/ihaveaducknamedpaul
Summary: Hiroo remembered meeting Sakishima in their first year very vividly. It wasn't the most ideal first meeting, considering they crashed into each other, Hiroo called Sakishima short and Sakishima swung at him with no hesitation.-Sakishima wiggles his way into Hiroo's life, he doesn't notice until it's too late. It's just some bros being dudes y'know?
Relationships: Hiroo Kouji/Sakishima Isumi
Comments: 8
Kudos: 15





	(un)romantic

**Author's Note:**

> This is my contribution to the sakihiroo stans, enjoy it I guess <3

Hiroo remembered meeting Sakishima in their first year very vividly. It wasn't the most ideal first meeting, considering they crashed into each other, Hiroo called Sakishima short and Sakishima swung at him with no hesitation. 

He’d managed to dodge it with relative ease, and ducked into his classroom before this strange kid could try and fight him in the hallway. But of course, he followed him, muttering curses that weren't hidden at all. Hiroo could hear the plans for his demise that were already being created. It was the first day, somehow he’d already gotten caught up in whatever the hell was happening. 

He made sure to sit as far away as possible from his violent classmate, because he figured his life would significantly improve from doing so. 

No, he was so wrong. The teacher arrived, going through their names and revealing that Sakishima was the guy that tried to give him a black eye. That information was stored away in his brain. 

Which was when it all just became _weird_. 

Sakishima pulled out a glass, one covered in flamingos wearing sunglasses. First of all, there were so many things wrong with taking a glass out in public that Hiroo refused to get into. But when Sakishima took out a bottle of lemon juice and began filling the glass? No. Just, no. 

The stares he received. A mixture of baffled, wary, and downright horrified when he started to drink the lemon juice. 

What the actual fuck? 

Not even an hour. Hiroo hadn't even been at school for an hour. The only thing that stopped him from leaving was the thought of checking out the volleyball club once his classes were over.

Luck clearly wasn't on Hiroo’s side though, because as soon as he walked into the gym Sakishima was in front of him. He glared up at him, jabbing a finger into his chest. “You, _Hiroo Kouji_ , should watch the back of your head.” With that he turned and walked away. 

Before Hiroo opened his big, fat mouth of course.

“Sorry you couldn't reach me before because you were so puny.” 

Just like the morning, Sakishima didn't think about it before he threw a punch at him, using the momentum to throw himself at Hiroo. Luckily, someone managed to grab his elbow before it could make contact. 

“As fun as it would be to watch you two fight in the middle of the gym, we are also in the middle of the gym.” He pulled back Sakishima’s arm and grinned. “Daishou Suguru, I'm going to be your captain in our third year.” 

Seeming to have forgotten about his previous problem, Sakishima turned to Daishou and sneered. “What makes you so sure of that, asshole?” 

It was like he'd given Daishou his favourite meal on a plate. “Glad you asked,” he jabbed a finger at Hiroo, “you only speak to provoke people, and _you_ are easily angered and incredibly impulsive.” The second comment was aimed at Sakishima, making him simmer with a barely controlled urge to punch Daishou. 

Personally, Hiroo thought it was funny. So far Daishou had only opened his mouth to provoke people too, but it was at the expense of Sakishima so he'd accept it. 

Briefly he wondered why he had something against Sakishima. Was it their first meeting? Was it the fact he drank lemon juice out of a glass in public? Was it just his face that pissed Hiroo off? There was no way to find out really. 

(It was truly astonishing that Hiroo had managed to develop a crush on that asshole). 

  
  
  


Okay sure, he got as used to the lemon juice in a glass as possible. Even when Sakishima offered him a glass during practice just to be a dick, Hiroo didn't comment on how strange it really was. The others did of course; Yoshiya made an offhand comment about it once, causing Sakishima to throw the bottle at his head. Daishou had laughed his ass off to the side while Hiroo watched with a perfectly peaceful expression, leaving Kazuma to try and pull them apart.

There were other things though, that just made Hiroo more certain he would find Sakishima in his house at three am stealing all of his lamps. It's their second period, and Sakishima strolled into class with a content smile on his face. A sight so rare made Hiroo double take, then it made him suspicious. 

No such creature like Sakishima Isumi would just come into class feeling happy unless they'd done something. Which begged the question, what the fuck was Sakishima doing during their first period? 

“Sakishima-san, would you like to tell me why you have arrived so late?” 

“Well I saw this and clearly I couldn't let such a beauty be snatched up,” Sakishima grinned and went searching in his bag, only to pull out a wall clock. But no, it wasn't just any clock. It was a bright pink and purple Hannah Montana clock, with Miley Cyrus posing on one half of the clock face. 

The teacher was baffled, and yeah, Hiroo could agree. But Sakishima didn't give her time to think before he was pulling out a giant, foam ravioli and waving it around. 

“There was also this, and for three hundred yen, I couldn't let such a steal fly over my head.” 

Honestly, was his bag bottomless?

It didn't help when Sakishima turned to him, eyes shining with revenge. “Hiroo, don't think I forgot about you.” He bounced over, fishing out an alarm clock. On the front was a chicken, beak open and screeching like it's angry at the world. 

After a moment's hesitation, Hiroo took it, unable to break eye contact with the rueful-looking chicken. “Thanks.” 

“No problem, dickhead.” With a self-satisfied smirk, Sakishima sauntered over to his desk and sat down. 

He found himself staring back down at the chicken on the clock, almost fond of its demonic face. It wasn't the first time Sakishima had gotten one of his friends a gift. And yes, they were friends. One week into their friendship with Sakishima, Daishou had received a cup with minecraft painted on the side of it. Numai had gotten a pink bear with ‘FBI’ stitched very hastily onto its stomach, and Yoshiya had received a jar of doll heads. 

But still, it was a gift. The idea that Sakishima had thought of Hiroo while on his (albeit fear-inducing) shopping trip made his lips curl upwards. 

He didn't want to get into that though. 

  
  
  


The dynamic shifted a little when they all visited Sakishima’s house for the first time. A cautionary study session, so they pass their exams and go to the training camp. 

“We can go to mine, my parents don't care about what I do as long as I don't end up dead or arrested.” 

So, surely enough, they walked home together to Sakishima's house. 

Hiroo had spent more time than he would like to admit thinking about what Sakishima's home life was like. Did his parents know how many random items he owned? Were they the ones that gave him the money to buy them? 

The first thing they all saw was a giant finger, a giant, porcelain finger that was almost the height of Hiroo himself. Sure, that’s a perfectly normal thing to have next to your front door. Sakishima high fived the tip of the finger before he unlocked the door. “Guys, that's Arnie.” He offered no further explanation for the giant statue of a finger in his garden. 

At that point Hiroo had decided to go along with whatever Sakishima threw his way, because he was convinced that his teammate’s goal in life was to make Hiroo’s life difficult and confusing. 

Sakishima led them through the house, and so far it was perfectly normal. A few pictures of younger Sakishima, with chubby cheeks and wide, innocent eyes. 

“Saki, you were so cute.” Numai said, snapping a picture probably for future blackmail. “What happened?” 

“Oi! I'm fucking adorable, don't test me.” Sakishima turned on his heel, fully prepared to fight in the middle of the cramped hallway with five whole ass tenagers packed together. 

With some effort and a lot of time, they managed to move their squabbling from the hallways to Sakishima’s room. It prompted silence as soon as they walked in. Because, honestly, Sakishima's room was a sight and a half. 

Nothing stood out the most. Not when everything he owned practically assaulted his eyes. 

The 'chandelier’, made of seashells and so long it almost hit Hiroo in the face. The bed, dear god, the bed; a racecar bed frame, in the middle of his room at an angle, with bedsheets that had a pig playing the guitar on. A giraffe, from its neck upwards, was leaning on the back wall, too tall to stand upright. There was a shopping cart, a car seat couch with plastic human feet for legs, oh dear god the minion fan. 

Everything was so much, so deadly to his sanity. 

Daishou seemed to die a little inside while looking at it all, and Hiroo couldn't help but agree. He felt like every single item in the room with eyes was judging him, reading soul to prove his worth on this pathetic earth. 

Hiroo’s gaze drifted over to the dresser on the side.

“I know, it's not much-” 

“Is that spongebob lingerie?” 

Maybe Hiroo should think about what he says before he actually says it. Everyone followed his eyes, surely enough there was spongebob themed lingerie hung up on a handle on the dresser. Unaffected by this turn of events, Sakishima nodded. 

Hiroo couldn't help but pull a face, “but, spongebob? lingerie?” 

“What’s wrong with you?” For a moment Sakishima actually sounded a little worried, but then that familiar smile filled with evil appeared. “Are you picturing me wearing it? Is it hot?” 

Now, Hiroo didn't get flustered easily. But when Sakishima winked, something in his body just broke down, all thoughts left his mind. He felt the heat crawl up his neck and bloom over his cheeks, his heart rate doubling. 

Was Hiroo picturing it before? No. But now that Sakishima has mentioned it? Well obviously, who wouldn't? 

There was giggling behind him, he managed to turn and glare at his deceiving friends. They were all awful, terrible. “You're a dick, Saki.” He managed to snark back, hoping that his torture would end. 

Life had other plans though. 

“What's this?” Yoshiya cooed, wrapping his arm around Hiroo’s shoulders and leaning heavily onto him. “Does Kouji have a crush on our resident pretty setter?” 

However large Sakishima's ego was before, Hiroo could practically see it inflate more. “Oh? I'm flattered really, but if you want to be my wife you need to work harder than that.” 

“Oh fuck off guys..” Hiroo groaned out, hiding his face in his hands. The others didn't hesitate to join in on the teasing. 

“You guys got married?” Daishou gasped, joining Yoshiya on Hiroo's other side and trapping him in inevitable embarrassment. “And you didn't invite your dearest friends to the wedding? Are we even fucking friends?” 

Sakishima and Kazuma were laughing in the background, Hiroo’s face was warmer than he liked. 

Luckily for him, something came to his rescue. There was a loud honk, making everyone freeze up simultaneously. Daishou gripped on his arm tighter, “what the fuck else is in your room of horrors?” 

Something told Hiroo that Daishou didn't like the mess of Sakishima's hellscape. 

Sakishima swiped a hand over his eye as he calmed down, “the noise? It's just Sweetheart, she’s fine. Just don't go out in the back.” 

“Why not?” Hiroo found himself asking, because he felt like if he didn't, there would be catastrophic consequences. 

Like it was the most normal fucking thing ever, Sakishima shrugged. “Sweetheart’s just my pet goose that I trained to attack people on sight. She's my guard-goose.” 

What the fuck?

_What the fuck_? 

Hiroo had seen enough. Hiroo had heard enough. It was time to leave, things just kept getting weirder and weirder. 

“You have a _goose_?” 

“Yes Kazuma, I have a goose. Is that so hard to comprehend?” 

“Well, sort of, yeah.” 

“I'll have you know Sweetheart is my baby, she's the only woman I'll ever love.”

Hiroo didn't remember much of the following minutes, too caught up in whatever enigma that Sakishima was. So much happened at once, he was married to Sakishima apparently, he had a goose. Don't even get Hiroo started on the things wrong with the bedroom.

Maybe it was all a messed up fever dream, and if he pinched himself he would wake up. 

Of course, it wasn't a drawn out, complex dream created to mess with his head. Because somehow he wound up squished on the racecar bed between Sakishima and Numai as they tried to comprehend physics. 

Sweetheart’s honks could still be heard very faintly from the garden, he briefly wondered if Sakishima baby-talked to her. 

“Has anyone else ever managed to befriend Sweetheart?” Daishou was the one that decided to bring up the topic of the goose again, chewing absentmindedly on the end of his pen. 

“She's alright with my parents, mostly because they also feed her. Other than that, no. She's loyal to me.” 

Don't do it. Don't get involved.

“Bullshit, Sweetheart would fucking love me.” 

Fuck. 

  
  
  


The next day found Hiroo back at Sakishima's house. He watched as his teammate high fived Arnie the finger again, unlocked the door and walked inside. Some unknown force compelled him to also high five Arnie as he walked past it. 

Instead of the stairs, Sakishima led him further down the hallway and into his kitchen. “You know what’s on today’s agenda Kouji, you wanted to befriend Sweetheart and I want to watch you fail.” He opened a cupboard under the counter and practically crawled inside. 

That was a thing, Sakishima calling him Kouji. 

It started that morning, with Sakishima crashing into him while they were changing before practice and yelling, “Kouji, my wonderful spouse!” Everyone heard him, the whole team had turned to stare at them. The use of his given name didn't stop there, loud whispers during class and food-muffled exclamations over lunch. 

Sakishima using it wasn't the problem. No, it was the fact that Hiroo found he didn't mind it, liked it even. It felt different to when the rest of them said it sparingly, more warm and, well, nice. 

Nope. No, no, no, focus on not getting into his own head. 

Sakishima returned with a giant bag of oats, grunting as he lifted them up and dropped them down on the counter. Like it was muscle memory, he whirled around on his heels to open the fridge and pull out a whole cucumber. “Since Sweetheart is most likely going to eat you alive, I'm going to be generous and give you treats to feed her.” Before Hiroo could reply, he held up a hand. “I know, I know, no need to thank me. I'm amazing.” 

“You're the furthest person from generosity that I know of,” Hiroo found himself retorting, despite the nagging in his brain that reminded him of all the little gifts he brought everyone almost daily. 

He got an oat flicked at his face for the comment, before Sakishima strolled over to the back door with the cucumber in hand. “You can get the oats, since you're going to be the one feeding her.”

“And what will you be doing?” 

“Cleaning the water in her paddling pool, duh.” 

Hiroo didn't question it, didn't want to really. He just grabbed the bag of oats and followed Sakishima outside. The sight he was greeted by was Sakishima going up to Sweetheart and giving her an overexaggerated kiss on her head. Sweetheart honked back in reply and knocked her head into his chin. 

It was sort of sweet. Not that he would ever tell Sakishima that personally, god no, that would create so much suffering on his own end. 

As soon as Sweetheart laid her eyes on Hiroo, she visibly prepared for a fight, cueing Sakishima to stand and go tend to the paddling pool near the back. Hiroo came prepared though, he knew Sakishima would be a dick and leave him to fend for himself the moment he said Sweetheart wouldn't attack him. He scooped a handful of oats into his hands and held them out, crouching low to the ground and maintaining eye contact. 

That's right, he'd searched up how to approach and tame a goose the night before just so he could prove Sakishima wrong. 

Sweetheart approached him slowly, occasionally hissing at him and flapping her wings. She only stopped when she realised that Hiroo wasn't going to react, and he also had food in his hands. From that moment on, she loved him.

Sakishima turned around to find Sweetheart cuddling up to Hiroo, he splashed water at them for the betrayal. “This is wrong, you're not allowed to like each other!” 

Hiroo couldn't help but smirk, “I bet she likes me more than you.” 

“Bitch.” 

  
  
  


Once the threshold had been crossed for whatever relationship they had, Hiroo was pulled into antic after antic. 

One time it was at two am, Sakishima waking him up with incessant phone calls until he answered. “What the fuck do you want?” He answered with a huff, rubbing the sleep from his eyes. 

“Look outside your window.”

“No.”

“Just do it, asshole.” 

Surely enough, Sakishima was out there in the middle of the street. That wasn't the shocking thing, the giant wrestler statue on wheels next to him was, though.

With no regards to Hiroo's neighbours probably fast asleep, Sakishima cupped his hands around his mouth and yelled. “Yo, come help me roll this thing back home, it's heavy as balls!” 

Hiroo woke up the next morning with his feet on Sakishima's chest and his head hanging off the edge of the racecar bed. 

  
  
  


There was also the time with the heels. Plastic monstrosities, the worst things Hiroo could ever have laid his eyes on. Sakishima had showed up to his house during their break over winter, wearing those damn heels, shorts that had the word juicy written over the ass, and a shirt with a shirtless deer man on it. 

“Kouji, I risked getting jumped to come see you.” 

Well, no shit. But Hiroo had become used to this, numb almost, so he simply opened his door and let Sakishima inside. It had become a common thing, so common in fact that on his way in, Hiroo’s parents greeted him and had a whole ass conversation with him. 

“Isumi-kun, are you visiting on Christmas?” His dad asked, Sakishima nodded and Hiroo accepted his fate. 

Sakishima had wriggled his way into Hiroo's life, with every little comment and every little gift that got kept on his desk and shelves. If he was to admit he didn't have a crush on Sakishima, he would be the biggest fucking hypocrite in the world. 

Yeah...

  
  
  


It was like one of those straight people movies, cliche huddling under the umbrella together. In this movie though, the couple wasn't straight, it was Sakishima and Hiroo under the umbrella. And the umbrella wasn't normal either. It was a fucking umbrella hat, on Sakishima's head. So to avoid the torrential rain, Hiroo had to crouch down to Sakishima's midget height and put their faces next to each other.

Nothing felt more ridiculous, his back hurt, anything below his hips was getting drenched by rainwater, and there was definitely a puddle in one of his shoes. 

“I told you I didn't want to stay behind to put glow in the dark dicks all over the clubroom. I knew it was going to rain.” He tried to shuffle closer, the warmth radiating from Sakishima's body stopped him. It wasn't like they hadn't had close contact with each other before, but something about this particular moment felt more intimate.

That was probably just his dumb, little brain being dumb and gay though. 

Sakishima huffed and crossed his arms, “and I told you that I had an umbrella.” 

“It's a shitty umbrella.” 

“Fuck you,” he linked his arm with Hiroo's, “now, let's go to your house.” He began dragging him down the street, causing Hiroo to stumble through more puddles. No matter what he said, Sakishima didn't let him wear the umbrella hat.

After going ankle deep in a puddle for the second time, Hiroo finally thought about what Sakishima had said. “Whoa wait, why are we going to my house when you live closer?” 

“I ate the last of my snacks yesterday, and I know you have hot chocolate.” 

That was the final decision, Hiroo knew his parents would let Sakishima in right away, and tell him to go shower and get comfortable while they brought him a plate of cookies. Sure, Hiroo would be there too, but Sakishima was some sort of siren that made his parents love him. 

They stepped into the warmth of Hiroo's home, and Sakishima took off the ridiculous umbrella hat. Most of his back was dry, from where Hiroo had been crouched over him to try and keep himself dry. There was water everywhere, dripping onto the floors, running down his face and plastering his hair down on his head. 

Like he fucking lived there himself, Sakishima began climbing the stairs to Hiroo’s bedroom. “I'm stealing that cat sweater you tried to hide in the back of your drawers!” He called down and Hiroo went running after him. 

“You weren't meant to know about that.”

After a lot of pushing and slapping each other with damp towels, the two of them finally settled down onto the couch with mugs of hot chocolate. An old horror movie was on in the background, which they spent the whole time insulting for its shitty jumpscares. 

It's times like that, when Hiroo lets himself think about it, lets himself wonder what it would be like if they toed the line between friendship and dating. 

Hiroo watched Sakishima take a sip of hot chocolate and immediately burn his tongue, sticking it out and letting out a weird screech. “Aren't you going to get me something to help?” He asked, the words a little bit muffled. 

“No, that was all your fault,” he pushed his foot into Sakishima's hip, he lurched to the side and almost spilled the drink. Sakishima retaliated by kicking his own leg out and hitting Hiroo in the stomach. It resulted in the two of them abandoning their fourth mugs of hot chocolate to smother each other with couch cushions. 

And if they woke up later that evening on the couch, with Hiroo's head on Sakishima's stomach, arms wrapped around his waist, and Sakishima's fingers threaded through Hiroo's hair? Well, that was for them to know and no one else to find out. 

  
  
  


Hiroo had also found himself calling Sakishima at random times in the day, about things that may not have seemed very important to anyone else. 

“Go binder shopping with me,” he'd said over the phone, leaving no room for Sakishima to argue. 

Through a long yawn, Sakishima had agreed, “sounds cool, the gays gotta travel in packs.” And within the hour, he had shown up at Hiroo's door with his croc bag and some mochi. 

It meant a lot.

Thus began Hiroo also joining Sakishima on his trips to second hand and charity shops for weird items. They would stroll through the building, pointing out different things to each other. 

And no, they were not dates, Hiroo would tell himself. 

Just because they bought each other trinkets on these trips, and got food together, and finished it by going to each other's houses and watching a movie to make fun of how bad it was. 

No, of course they weren't dates.

But maybe he was also in deep denial. 

  
  
  


Hiroo kept it up for a long time, ignoring everything that was going on inside him. Every little flutter of his heart whenever Sakishima did anything, the warmth that was always there because Sakishima was always there. 

The way it came out was sort of anticlimactic, sort of everything Hiroo expected it to be. 

They all sat together at lunch, early into their third year. Only Hiroo and Daishou had managed to get into the same class, giving them the advantage of doing homework together. Gathering together for group study sessions again had made it blindly obvious that he and Sakishima were closer than the rest of them. 

The rest of them had normal food for lunch, meanwhile Sakishima had pulled out a bowl, cereal and a carton of milk so he could eat cereal at lunch. He offered a bowl out to Hiroo, who took it and poured himself a bowl. What did he have to lose at that point? 

“You guys are like some weird married couple,” Kazuma mumbled around his food, eyes narrowed towards Hiroo. 

Sakishima shrugged and shovelled a spoonful of cereal into his mouth. “Yeah? I thought we established that two years ago.” Which, yes, they did, but it was much more applicable now. 

“Are you guys like, you know...” Daishou trailed off, hands waving in the air like he was trying to form words. “Dating?” 

The question scared Hiroo, just a bit. Only a little, smidgy, teeny tiny amount. He had no idea how Sakishima would react, he had no idea what would come out of his mouth. His mouth opened, closed, and opened again. Yeah, okay, looked like he wouldn't answer the question. 

“Don't think so.” With a mouth full of food, Sakishima turned to look at him. “Do you wanna go out?” It was the most unromantic thing ever, some chewed up cereal bits went on his lap and milk dribbled from the corner of his lips. 

It could not have been more disgusting, but Hiroo still felt the twist in his gut that told him everything he needed to know. He groaned, shoved a tissue in Sakishima's face. 

“If you're going to ask me out, do it when you're not going to spit food in my face as you ask.” 

**Author's Note:**

> But really, most of this was written when I was sleep deprived at 3am, the rest was written while I was tipsy. I edited it sober but I still wouldn't expect much
> 
> I'm hoping you enjoyed it sdhsjdshd


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